"Sample" cup, sealed and equipped with temperature sensitive indicators to verify the likelihood of having been excreted directly from the bladder.
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DRUG TEST? Oh, piss...I normally begin an article by not only explaining its destination via some sort of introduction but, usually, on a personal level, I’m totally mindful of the motivation beneath my words. For lack of these usually present constants, the following article is abnormal.
Maybe this isn’t about the presence of naturally existing agents, to some extent, in all living things… Maybe it’s about the “oneness” of the Universe. Maybe it’s not about the modern intricacies of medical science… Maybe it’s about discrimination. Maybe the references I’ll make to arguably insignificant, disputably unrelated, facts and statistics are merely the rambling overflow of a heavily congested mind. Maybe. Regardless… I trust my purpose will reveal itself somewhere along the way. |
... Let’s go!
The year was 2001. I’d recently sold the home I were living in (something I’d rather not talk about unless you’re a certified therapist). In need of help with the move, I relied upon friends. Throughout the course of the boxing, labeling, and loading of possessions, my small -loosely organized- tribe of comrades offered their services as their routines allowed. While carrying various sized, one-man, boxes up the abused metal ramp common to rentals trucks like U-Haul and Budget, a fellow pot smoker arrived. After the obligatory hello’s and how-are-you’s, he jumped right in and began helping.
He looked as if suffering from a hearty sunburn. But that wasn’t the case. He complained of his skin itching and burning. He perspired more than the work we were doing demanded. The discomfort was written within the crunching features and intermittently cringing expressions on his face. He explained the source of his affliction… A ridiculous amount of vitamins B12 and B3.
I’m not sure where he heard copious amounts of B12 and Niacin (B3) would detoxify his system overnight. But, seriously, he consumed hundreds of times the recommended daily allowance of it under the belief that it would prepare his urine for an impending urinalysis the next day. I can’t find much to support the idea. And, although I’ve heard it from other not-so-reputable sources, I’m having a hard time tracing it to something concrete. It’s true that some European clinics, as well as American (after the FDA approved its use in 2006), have been known to use hydroxycobalamin (B12) in combination with sodium hyposulfite as treatment for cyanide poisoning. So, well… I guess that’s like detoxifying. But, whether or not there’s any sense to ingesting skin-irritating amounts of B12 isn’t my point. The point is… He did it.
I’ve heard of people drinking solutions of pure to semi-diluted vinegar. (Holy fucking yuck!) And, Golden Seal? Good luck. If you’re trying to detox your system in a hurry using the urban legend of golden seal. I’m not going to lie to you… You may succeed in confusing the test results. But any respectable lab will not let their work go as “inconclusive”. You’ll be asked to come back for another test. Anyone consuming ample amounts of the “cleansing” |
Actress, Katie Holmes. Photos taken after undergoing the Church of Scientology's niacin detoxification process.
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golden seal product are actually flooding their system with an array of isoquinoline alkaloids like canadine, hydrstinine, and berberine… The combination will thicken your liver with an unnatural amount of traffic; but won’t flush your body of discriminatory pollutants.
Test Pure, Quick Flush, and Herbal Teas… Best I can tell, in human physiology, there is no such thing as an instant metabolite scrubber, blocker, or masking agent. These methods designed to “cleanse” your system do nothing of the sort. They appear to work via dilution. Since I’ve just finished reading about 500 various blog posts on the subject of Test Pure, AND I’ve had some experience with their product in the past, let’s pick on them…
Test Pure, Quick Flush, and Herbal Teas… Best I can tell, in human physiology, there is no such thing as an instant metabolite scrubber, blocker, or masking agent. These methods designed to “cleanse” your system do nothing of the sort. They appear to work via dilution. Since I’ve just finished reading about 500 various blog posts on the subject of Test Pure, AND I’ve had some experience with their product in the past, let’s pick on them…
"REFLECTIONS"
1526 W State Street Fremont, OH 43420 |
First of all, the drink’s consistency is that of syrupy, albeit chunk-free, vomit. And, although the manufacturers taint their concoction with flavors ranging from lemon to melon to cherry, fact remains, the contents of that colorful bottle you’re about to chug smells of dumpster and tastes of rot.
Real life experience, circa 1996. My girlfriend, at the time, and I had been living together for several years. We hadn’t much money but we were surviving. When the opportunity arose wherein she could snag a better paying job at one of the local factories we were excited as well as concerned… You see, we were smokers. You know, potheads… Pipe puffers… Bong blowers, Reefer rats, the Cannabis Mantis!… Anyway, we liked to smoke grass. The would-be-employer made it clear that part of the “application process” would entail a pre-employment drug screen. So we went to our favorite local head shop (Reflections), I emptied forty dollars from my wallet, and we returned with a bottle of Test Pure Platinum… Cherry flavor, despite the shop worker’s advice that the lemon flavor was said to be most palatable by its users. |
Now, forty bucks is a significant amount of money to a couple of potheads in their mid-twenties. I mean, hell, that’s like a quarter of commercial-grade weed! Even worse, it could have been an eighth of some gourmet buds like Bubblegum or Orange Kush! …(sigh)… But, anyway, I digress. Point is, we had the Test Pure liquid. On the morning of her scheduled urinalysis, per the instructions provided, we invoked the use of the drink.
Horrible! I felt horrible for her. I took a sip out of curiosity… Blasphemous! Although, I knew how badly she wanted to pass. So, I lied to her; told her, “it tastes like a cherry slushy from the DQ“. Apprehensively she glared at me while taking the bottle from my hand. She sniffed it. The look on her face turned to a scowl. “Smells like garbage”, she said. She plugged her nose with one hand while raising the putrescent mixture to her lips. I thought silently, Chug - Chug - Chug. But the chugging stopped abruptly. She began to gag. She started crying. You know how your ears get all red when you’re upset and about to throw up? She was there. This was not her brightest moment.
She’d only consumed about half of the drink when the gagging and sobbing became worse. I remember thinking, “Holy shit, seriously, don’t puke! That shit cost me 40 bucks!”. I kept coaching her on, in my best empathetic voice at the time, “C’mon you gotta finish it”. And, finally, after losing a few ounces to a brief bout of retching, she did it. After waiting the advised fifteen minutes, we filled the bottle with water and she drank that as well.
Horrible! I felt horrible for her. I took a sip out of curiosity… Blasphemous! Although, I knew how badly she wanted to pass. So, I lied to her; told her, “it tastes like a cherry slushy from the DQ“. Apprehensively she glared at me while taking the bottle from my hand. She sniffed it. The look on her face turned to a scowl. “Smells like garbage”, she said. She plugged her nose with one hand while raising the putrescent mixture to her lips. I thought silently, Chug - Chug - Chug. But the chugging stopped abruptly. She began to gag. She started crying. You know how your ears get all red when you’re upset and about to throw up? She was there. This was not her brightest moment.
She’d only consumed about half of the drink when the gagging and sobbing became worse. I remember thinking, “Holy shit, seriously, don’t puke! That shit cost me 40 bucks!”. I kept coaching her on, in my best empathetic voice at the time, “C’mon you gotta finish it”. And, finally, after losing a few ounces to a brief bout of retching, she did it. After waiting the advised fifteen minutes, we filled the bottle with water and she drank that as well.
Apparently, she passed the test; she started the job soon after.
But how did she pass? Simple dilution. It didn’t work because THC metabolites were somehow transformed into an undetectable substance. The undesirable evidence of drug use hadn’t been flushed from her system. It’s just that the concentration levels had been so thinned out the results came back below the parameters of testing “positive”. Reality is that EVERYONE, even you (reader who’s never smoked a joint and couldn’t find the carb on my triple-chambered bong to save your life), yes, even you have cannaboids present in your system. Therefore, testing laboratories expect to find some extent of what we consider “pollutants” present in everyone’s urine. It’s the amount or -more precisely- the concentration of the agents tested for that’s of concern. So, why did girlfriend x pass |
after choking down, spitting up, and choking back down our bottle of syrupy, red, forty-dollar swill? Because flushing that much liquid and vitamins through one’s digestive system dilutes the hell out of one’s piss. The fact Test Pure is overloaded with Creatine (a nitrogen based organic acid) and other vitamins aides in providing the urine with ample amounts of traffic (if you will) to decrease your chances of it seeming too diluted, which would result in a “failure” or “negative dilute”.
In my opinion, we can do the same thing by drinking cup after cup of good, old fashioned water, the night before, followed by more water in the morning… Pop a vitamin with a light but healthy breakfast, and top it off with another glass of H2O. (Urinating as often as possible throughout the entire process). What the dilution process does is flush the body of whatever urine is in there with freshly processed urine. If we flush that -already diluted- urine again… And again… We are eventually going to come out with an extremely thin vintage of wiener whiz (Or, to maintain the alliteration and recognize the fairer sex, clam cocktail). If we stop dilution, the metabolites stored in our lipids will seep back into our system and replenish our urine with detectable levels of themselves once again (until, eventually they too are depleted, in which case, we’re truly “clean”). What I’d like to do is dilute our urine, simply by drinking water… Then spike a batch -just one- (bladder full of piss) with proteins, vitamins, and sugars and run it in search of “illicit” substances.
In my opinion, we can do the same thing by drinking cup after cup of good, old fashioned water, the night before, followed by more water in the morning… Pop a vitamin with a light but healthy breakfast, and top it off with another glass of H2O. (Urinating as often as possible throughout the entire process). What the dilution process does is flush the body of whatever urine is in there with freshly processed urine. If we flush that -already diluted- urine again… And again… We are eventually going to come out with an extremely thin vintage of wiener whiz (Or, to maintain the alliteration and recognize the fairer sex, clam cocktail). If we stop dilution, the metabolites stored in our lipids will seep back into our system and replenish our urine with detectable levels of themselves once again (until, eventually they too are depleted, in which case, we’re truly “clean”). What I’d like to do is dilute our urine, simply by drinking water… Then spike a batch -just one- (bladder full of piss) with proteins, vitamins, and sugars and run it in search of “illicit” substances.
Of course, first of all we’ll have to make it “dirty”.
Suddenly this article -now in need of an experiment- seems like a lot of fun. Agh… But, what kind of professional would I be if I used this as an excuse to indulge in mind-shattering, euphoric levels of chemical intoxication? (A tripping, tweaking, stoned one…right?) Nah… I better not. Besides, I’m a father of two girls under the age of three… And, there’s an ex-wife lurking, just dying for an opportunity to make me look bad… But, again, I digress. Point is, I can’t very well inundate my system with illicit chemicals “in the name of Science”. However, there is still hope for our experiment. I turn to the urban legend regarding poppy seed consumption and opiate detection in urine. Poppy seeds are the primary natural source in morphine manufacturing. All poppies, not just the “opium poppy” (Papaver somniferous), contain opiates. The question as to whether eating something like a poppy seed bagel or bun will provide your urine with opiate metabolites has been addressed more than once by the media. The show Mythbusters even approached the idea… Apparently confirming the myth as reality during an episode originally airing on March 7, 2003. However… If you know me, you know I’m skeptical regarding someone else‘s findings. I don’t blame Thomas for sticking his fingers into the wounds of the resurrected Christ (reference to Judeo-Christian Mythology). Plus, I have concerns that the integrity of the testing used on Mythbusters isn’t all there. They ordered their test kits online. The accuracy of a home drug test versus the scrutinizing detail a laboratory test would entail is staggering. |
Here’s what we’re going to do…
First of all, a little bit about substance duration according to human metabolic storage and cleansing. Over the years I’ve looked at drug-detection time tables now-and-then. (What pothead hasn’t?… Well, maybe I’m just a geek… Anyway). Having recently looked around for an all-inclusive chart regarding the amount of time a substance might be available for detection in the urine, I’m surprised by the amount of conflicting information I’ve encountered. For our purposes here, I’ve visited resources I presume to be the most credible and assembled my own chart based on averages drawn from a combination of sources.
First of all, a little bit about substance duration according to human metabolic storage and cleansing. Over the years I’ve looked at drug-detection time tables now-and-then. (What pothead hasn’t?… Well, maybe I’m just a geek… Anyway). Having recently looked around for an all-inclusive chart regarding the amount of time a substance might be available for detection in the urine, I’m surprised by the amount of conflicting information I’ve encountered. For our purposes here, I’ve visited resources I presume to be the most credible and assembled my own chart based on averages drawn from a combination of sources.
THE TEST Bagels? We don’t need no stinking bagels! I wanted to get right down to it; needed to make sure I were digesting a significant amount of poppy seeds. I thought about poppy seed bread… Nah. I considered the prospect of poppy seed bagels or buns… Bah, that’s for amateurs! I went hardcore (the Peter North of poppy seed ingestion). Nothing less than straight poppy seeds would do. My cousin, who’s a Registered Nurse, told me I would puke. Poppy seeds, alone, are not tasty. A mouthful of poppy seeds are just that, a mouthful |
"You're gonna puke"
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of seeds. Not a flavorful, pleasure to devour -like sunflower seeds- however, a gritty, bland, troubling work to swallow.
Although I’ve read that bulk poppy seeds are likely to possess a higher opiate level (for having not gone through the bleaching process most retail seasonings undergo), I have no need for 10lbs of dirt-flavored black granules. So, I bought a 2.12oz glass shaker of average seeds. I began by filling a three-teaspoon medicine cup with my store-bought mixture of blue, grey, and black seeds. I poured a mound of them unto my tongue and added a sip of milk to aide with the swallowing. Getting them down had been a battle, hard fought. It was like eating sand.
Despite my newfound aversion to eating dirt, I managed to ingest all but a pittance of the container within approximately 36 hours. The morning after my last mouthful of seeds I filled a sterile water bottle with a hot, zesty, foam-capped urine sample. I sealed the bottle and refrigerated it immediately. Water. Water. More water. I drank water all day long. Moderate, light meals/snacks got me through the day. And, around 11pm, about 13hours after having excreted “Sample A”, I entered the laboratory ready to deliver a fresh sample right off the ol’ tap.
As the refrigerated mixture of my morning urine spun in a centrifuge, getting it ready for analysis, I filled a specimen jar with a fresh squirt. Both samples then resided comfortably next to one another in the Siemens Advia 1200. The lab resisted its urge to become a jostled beehive… I could feel the interest of its regulars. ‘What the hell is this guy doing here?’ Some of them knew me and were just mildly curious why I’d be running a urine sample; although others were entirely intrigued. For the most part, they felt my experiment would fail. One cited a Seinfeld episode, wherein she recalled the character “Elaine” failed a drug test thanks to a poppy seed bagel. Another lab worker voiced her concern that I should by all rights have diverticulitis from ingesting that amount of seeds in short a short time… I remarked the only affliction I felt were ridiculous-litus due to the horrid taste I endured and volume of water I imbibed.
It’s nice to have friends that work in a lab.
Although I’ve read that bulk poppy seeds are likely to possess a higher opiate level (for having not gone through the bleaching process most retail seasonings undergo), I have no need for 10lbs of dirt-flavored black granules. So, I bought a 2.12oz glass shaker of average seeds. I began by filling a three-teaspoon medicine cup with my store-bought mixture of blue, grey, and black seeds. I poured a mound of them unto my tongue and added a sip of milk to aide with the swallowing. Getting them down had been a battle, hard fought. It was like eating sand.
Despite my newfound aversion to eating dirt, I managed to ingest all but a pittance of the container within approximately 36 hours. The morning after my last mouthful of seeds I filled a sterile water bottle with a hot, zesty, foam-capped urine sample. I sealed the bottle and refrigerated it immediately. Water. Water. More water. I drank water all day long. Moderate, light meals/snacks got me through the day. And, around 11pm, about 13hours after having excreted “Sample A”, I entered the laboratory ready to deliver a fresh sample right off the ol’ tap.
As the refrigerated mixture of my morning urine spun in a centrifuge, getting it ready for analysis, I filled a specimen jar with a fresh squirt. Both samples then resided comfortably next to one another in the Siemens Advia 1200. The lab resisted its urge to become a jostled beehive… I could feel the interest of its regulars. ‘What the hell is this guy doing here?’ Some of them knew me and were just mildly curious why I’d be running a urine sample; although others were entirely intrigued. For the most part, they felt my experiment would fail. One cited a Seinfeld episode, wherein she recalled the character “Elaine” failed a drug test thanks to a poppy seed bagel. Another lab worker voiced her concern that I should by all rights have diverticulitis from ingesting that amount of seeds in short a short time… I remarked the only affliction I felt were ridiculous-litus due to the horrid taste I endured and volume of water I imbibed.
It’s nice to have friends that work in a lab.
(ABOVE) Figure 69A: Urinalysis results testing positive for opiate use after ingesting approximately 2oz. of commercial poppy seeds.
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The results were in… Jaws didn’t drop but eyes opened widely and eyebrows stretched upward. Smiles crept across faces and minds gave focus to my findings. A healthy amount of legally-acquired, benevolently ingested, poppy seeds provided the results displayed in figure 69a.
Furthermore, opiates (notably renown for frequenting our physiology for five to seven days) were something I failed to test “positive” for a mere 13 hours after my first urine sample. (See figure 69b). The point we’re cornering is twofold. One, the urban legend of poppy seed ingestion and opiate detection is true. No room for debate. Secondly, reasonable dilution -ladies and gentlemen- will present the illusion of purity. |
(RIGHT) Figure 69B: Urinalysis results testing negative across the entire spectrum after being heavily polluted with "opiates" although diluted by ingesting ample amounts of water.
Great. Very big deal, right? I’ve demonstrated I have an interest in chemical analysis (and perhaps a urine fetish) but where do we go from here? We could discuss the evolution of drug testing; for instance, its increasing prevalence. An average of 18% of Fortune 500 companies insisted upon pre-employment and on-the-job drug screening in 1985 although, by 1991, that percent more than doubled. The number continues to grow. Or… We could |
discuss the number of proposed bills and working legislation to drug test recipients of unemployment/welfare benefits. Yeah, why not?
Several states (Georgia, Michigan, South Carolina, and West Virginia… to name a few) either have already passed or are working to pass legislation that would require individuals on welfare to submit to chemical analysis for continued benefits. The belief is that people receiving Unemployment benefits, State/County assistance shouldn’t be allowed to redirect those funds into a drug habit. Well… Believe it or not… I agree. Those suffering from drug addiction shouldn’t be enabled by state/county in terms of Unemployment or Welfare… They should be on Disability.
Very funny, right? I’m not joking. But, I’m also not talking about the laid-off factory worker who just happens to casually take a hit off a joint in the Wal-Mart parking lot during Bike Night. I’m talking about the men and women who sit up at 5am, rocking themselves, teeth grinding, tears in their eyes, sweating, listening intently as imaginary -although seemingly realistic- conspirators talk about them from beyond barricaded doors… And SWEAR with all the conviction and piety of a saint that they’re through with drugs… Only to eventually fall asleep, wake up after a brief but adequate nap, and allow themselves to be convinced -once again- by the cunning nature of addiction that “next time” things will be different.
Several states (Georgia, Michigan, South Carolina, and West Virginia… to name a few) either have already passed or are working to pass legislation that would require individuals on welfare to submit to chemical analysis for continued benefits. The belief is that people receiving Unemployment benefits, State/County assistance shouldn’t be allowed to redirect those funds into a drug habit. Well… Believe it or not… I agree. Those suffering from drug addiction shouldn’t be enabled by state/county in terms of Unemployment or Welfare… They should be on Disability.
Very funny, right? I’m not joking. But, I’m also not talking about the laid-off factory worker who just happens to casually take a hit off a joint in the Wal-Mart parking lot during Bike Night. I’m talking about the men and women who sit up at 5am, rocking themselves, teeth grinding, tears in their eyes, sweating, listening intently as imaginary -although seemingly realistic- conspirators talk about them from beyond barricaded doors… And SWEAR with all the conviction and piety of a saint that they’re through with drugs… Only to eventually fall asleep, wake up after a brief but adequate nap, and allow themselves to be convinced -once again- by the cunning nature of addiction that “next time” things will be different.
I hardly care about opinion… So, what’s the point in trying to sway an individual. Previously, drug addiction has been considered a bi-product of immorality or lack of will. It use to be that if someone were an addict it were merely a choice. Knowledge is a stubborn, slowly-evolving entity; extremely resistant to Change. Truth is what we decide it to be… You know what use to be true?… Geocentricity… Until the studies
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I can’t explain this diligently enough… It’s a fucking DISEASE people! Even the American Medical Association has accepted the reality that Drug Addiction is a chronic illness since 1956. It’s not unusual to encounter adversity when presenting Drug and Alcohol addiction as a disease/medical condition; It’s just another example of an individual’s belief system defending itself from outside ideas. Take this dialogue, for example… (I was debating the issue with a highly opinionated, avid listener of conservative talk radio).
ME: “Right, I don’t think drug addicts SHOULD be on Unemployment… While they’re getting treatment
they should be able to get Medical benefits” HIM: “That’s bullshit... They’re always crying about how it’s a disease…” ME: “How long you been smoking those cigarettes?” HIM: “I quit for a couple years.” ME: “But, you’re smoking right now.” HIM: “I need to quit; they’re too damn expensive.” (I subtly let the conversation end) “You’re fucking addicted! That’s why you haven‘t quit!”, I thought. |
of Copernicus in the early 1500’s and -later- the writings of Galileo (which had him on trial for heresy in 1633) began to have an effect on previously accepted “Truths”.
Stop laughing! I know this is hilariously dramatic sounding right now! :)
Truth is Drug Addiction alters the function and structure of the brain. And, although the decision to initially use drugs/alcohol is often a choice committed freely, in time the decision making process is compromised, self control becomes less tangible, and impulses to use are easily mistaken as needs. Drug abuse not only rewires the circuitry of the brain, it targets the Limbic system (the hypothalamus in particular). An addict’s ability to naturally produce dopamine, as needed, is undermined by frequently, manually (if you will) triggered releases. What the fuck are you saying? I’m saying that addicts are pathologically AND biologically “trained” to press the “feel good button” to the extent wherein the brain no longer produces “feel good” signals when it normally should.
Explanation… When we eat something, after being hungry, the brain produces “reward signals”. We feel good. Eating is a good thing; we need to eat in order to survive. When we have sex it is euphoric because our brains are rewarding us for participating in something that is good for our survival as a species. Even when we spend time with our family and friends, we laugh, we cry together, we interact… It all invokes emotion and we are “rewarded” for taking part in aspects of life necessary for survival. The brain that has been compulsively triggered to “feel good” manually simply and honestly cannot respond to natural wonders like these as it should… In this regard, it seriously is a sad disease.
Enough. I went on long enough defending the reality that drug addiction is a legitimate medical condition. Let’s get on with the show….
Imagine…
It’s Monday morning, the sun is shinning but it’s a cool day. The weather is perfect. You kiss your spouse on the way out the door. You’re starting your new job today. The pay is excellent, the work environment is exactly what you’ve been looking for. During the interview process you met your co-workers. What a bunch of great people! On the way to work you feel almost sensual as the cool leather seats of your new car press against your buttocks and legs. That new-car-smell fills your nostrils; you breathe it deeply into your lungs and a strength ebbs throughout your body because “it’s all finally coming together“. And, this new career will assure the longevity of this great new life.
The elevator ride to your new, albeit modest, office is peaceful. Music plays. The synthetic, plastic, elevator remix of Bridge Over Troubled Water still romantically haunts you as you exit the elevator and proceed light-heartedly through the air-conditioned hallway to you office. Recessed lighting glows softly, turning the off-white corridor into an experience you not only see but somehow feel. Ah… your office. The door is locked. Oh, that’s right, you need to stop by HR for the key.
On the way to Human Resources, you realize you're smiling. The mail courier fails to acknowledge your “Good Morning” because he happened to be looking away while earphones, clearly playing Michael Jackson’s Billy Jean far too loudly, kept him oblivious to conversation. Phones ring quietly from behind doors already occupied by your new co-workers; there’s a confidence growing more palpable by the moment as you realize you’re part of something big.
HR was not clearly marked as such although the frosted glass walls and unobstructed doorway presented an inviting feel. You came in with a smile. Everything about you says “Hello, I’m happy to be here”. You begin to explain the nature of your visit but, before you can remind the administrative assistant of your key, you are politely -quite solemnly- asked to accompany them into an office. This office had no frosted glass and its doorway were not unobstructed. The assistant held the door for you and invited you to a seat with a gesture of their hand. The door closed; it were of an apparently dense, heavy wood. Sounds beyond this room seemed to fall into a vacuum.
You are still smiling.
The assistant begins to explain a policy you faintly recall having skimmed over while “reading” your new company’s employment guidelines. Apparently, a preliminary health exam, including blood work, has uncovered the presence of Anti-malignin antibodies. It would appear that you have Cancer. Your eyebrows furrow. You are no longer smiling. As the voice of your would-be-employer’s spokesperson continues (words, now indiscernible), you realize you will not be starting a new job today. Suddenly you notice you’re blinking, your eyelids seem thicker and more abrasive than usual. You have been denied employment because you have Cancer.
Stop laughing! I know this is hilariously dramatic sounding right now! :)
Truth is Drug Addiction alters the function and structure of the brain. And, although the decision to initially use drugs/alcohol is often a choice committed freely, in time the decision making process is compromised, self control becomes less tangible, and impulses to use are easily mistaken as needs. Drug abuse not only rewires the circuitry of the brain, it targets the Limbic system (the hypothalamus in particular). An addict’s ability to naturally produce dopamine, as needed, is undermined by frequently, manually (if you will) triggered releases. What the fuck are you saying? I’m saying that addicts are pathologically AND biologically “trained” to press the “feel good button” to the extent wherein the brain no longer produces “feel good” signals when it normally should.
Explanation… When we eat something, after being hungry, the brain produces “reward signals”. We feel good. Eating is a good thing; we need to eat in order to survive. When we have sex it is euphoric because our brains are rewarding us for participating in something that is good for our survival as a species. Even when we spend time with our family and friends, we laugh, we cry together, we interact… It all invokes emotion and we are “rewarded” for taking part in aspects of life necessary for survival. The brain that has been compulsively triggered to “feel good” manually simply and honestly cannot respond to natural wonders like these as it should… In this regard, it seriously is a sad disease.
Enough. I went on long enough defending the reality that drug addiction is a legitimate medical condition. Let’s get on with the show….
Imagine…
It’s Monday morning, the sun is shinning but it’s a cool day. The weather is perfect. You kiss your spouse on the way out the door. You’re starting your new job today. The pay is excellent, the work environment is exactly what you’ve been looking for. During the interview process you met your co-workers. What a bunch of great people! On the way to work you feel almost sensual as the cool leather seats of your new car press against your buttocks and legs. That new-car-smell fills your nostrils; you breathe it deeply into your lungs and a strength ebbs throughout your body because “it’s all finally coming together“. And, this new career will assure the longevity of this great new life.
The elevator ride to your new, albeit modest, office is peaceful. Music plays. The synthetic, plastic, elevator remix of Bridge Over Troubled Water still romantically haunts you as you exit the elevator and proceed light-heartedly through the air-conditioned hallway to you office. Recessed lighting glows softly, turning the off-white corridor into an experience you not only see but somehow feel. Ah… your office. The door is locked. Oh, that’s right, you need to stop by HR for the key.
On the way to Human Resources, you realize you're smiling. The mail courier fails to acknowledge your “Good Morning” because he happened to be looking away while earphones, clearly playing Michael Jackson’s Billy Jean far too loudly, kept him oblivious to conversation. Phones ring quietly from behind doors already occupied by your new co-workers; there’s a confidence growing more palpable by the moment as you realize you’re part of something big.
HR was not clearly marked as such although the frosted glass walls and unobstructed doorway presented an inviting feel. You came in with a smile. Everything about you says “Hello, I’m happy to be here”. You begin to explain the nature of your visit but, before you can remind the administrative assistant of your key, you are politely -quite solemnly- asked to accompany them into an office. This office had no frosted glass and its doorway were not unobstructed. The assistant held the door for you and invited you to a seat with a gesture of their hand. The door closed; it were of an apparently dense, heavy wood. Sounds beyond this room seemed to fall into a vacuum.
You are still smiling.
The assistant begins to explain a policy you faintly recall having skimmed over while “reading” your new company’s employment guidelines. Apparently, a preliminary health exam, including blood work, has uncovered the presence of Anti-malignin antibodies. It would appear that you have Cancer. Your eyebrows furrow. You are no longer smiling. As the voice of your would-be-employer’s spokesperson continues (words, now indiscernible), you realize you will not be starting a new job today. Suddenly you notice you’re blinking, your eyelids seem thicker and more abrasive than usual. You have been denied employment because you have Cancer.
Reality… That’s ridiculous! Who ever heard of getting fired for having Cancer? Absurd, right? First of all, the would-be-employer would be facing a would-be-lawsuit… Wouldn’t they? (Sorry, just wanted to run the “would-be” thing into the ground). Secondly, where’s the logic behind barring someone from employment because of a disease like Cancer? … Well, one might argue that seeing as the disease will increase the likelihood of future |
FIRED FOR INAPPROPRIATE REASONS CANCER WEIGHT TOO ATTRACTIVE TOO SKINNY ---------------------------------------------------------------- |
absences the potential new-hire is not as sound of an investment as a perfectly healthy specimen… It’s also notable that if the employer guarantees health care provisions, medical coverage, et cetera, the Cancerous employee is a financial liability… Not to mention that chemotherapy, conventionally one of the most prevalent methods employed in treatment of Cancer, can suppress the immune system; hence, making the recipient yet another insurance liability.
But, imagine the litigation! Chances are you’re not likely to be denied employment for harboring a respectable disease like Cancer. Nonetheless, it happens all the time in regard to the disease of drug addiction. And, “Equal Opportunity Employers”… ??? … My ass. Equal Opportunity Employment (EOE) means, in a nutshell, that the business (or corporation) must hire a diversity of people that reflects the area demographic. For example, if the business is located in an area populated by a population consisting of 20% Asian, 30% Black, 10% Native American, and 40% Caucasian… The business will work to mimic this ratio within its own workforce. Furthermore, age, military status (Veteran?), and marital status all play a role in determining demographical information… So, why stop there? In fact, I don’t think it’s FAIR to stop there. If the area’s population consists of 0.9% of convicted felons then, by definition, an EOE should have to hire 2 convicted felons per every 200 employees. And, if 4% of the locals smoke left-handed cigarettes in their spare time… 8 of those 200 employees should test positive for the mean green.
But, imagine the litigation! Chances are you’re not likely to be denied employment for harboring a respectable disease like Cancer. Nonetheless, it happens all the time in regard to the disease of drug addiction. And, “Equal Opportunity Employers”… ??? … My ass. Equal Opportunity Employment (EOE) means, in a nutshell, that the business (or corporation) must hire a diversity of people that reflects the area demographic. For example, if the business is located in an area populated by a population consisting of 20% Asian, 30% Black, 10% Native American, and 40% Caucasian… The business will work to mimic this ratio within its own workforce. Furthermore, age, military status (Veteran?), and marital status all play a role in determining demographical information… So, why stop there? In fact, I don’t think it’s FAIR to stop there. If the area’s population consists of 0.9% of convicted felons then, by definition, an EOE should have to hire 2 convicted felons per every 200 employees. And, if 4% of the locals smoke left-handed cigarettes in their spare time… 8 of those 200 employees should test positive for the mean green.
I can almost feel the tension growing as you read this… What kind of idiot suggests corporations hire potheads and crack fiends?… Relax your mojo. I’m not suggesting businesses put in a herbal juice bar equipped with a smoking section for hippies. And, I’d never hope for an employee restroom, stalls occupied, doors barricaded shut, while the hiss of burning cocaine accompanies the whispers of paranoia-stricken smokers. Although… I am saying… Just because one tests positive for having used a substance associated with addiction doesn’t mean they are under it’s influence right now. If you are a dedicated employee, an avid worker, competent performer… I’m not one to hold your extracurricular habits against you. It’s one thing to be intoxicated on the job… There’s a plethora of problems regarding such a thing. Nonetheless, whatever demons pursue the worker on their own time is something I feel shouldn’t bar them from employment. In the event the addiction has become so consuming that one seriously cannot last an eight hour shift without using then it’s time for a sick day, probably even time to talk to a professional about getting some help.
Well, dear reader, this article has gone from no direction to misdirection… And, I’ve found my point during the course of its paragraphs but lost it again. This is quickly becoming sheer incoherence!
REFERENCES ... Special Thanks... Footnotes... SOURCES... Inspirations... And... Your Mama.
Dilution and aspirin-- the technique , DILUTION: tips, tricks and guidelines from N2 , Craig Medical Distribution, Inc.1185 Park Center Drive,Building PVista, CA. 92081-8305 USA : Harm Reduction Training Institute (NY): 22 West 27th Street, 5th Floor, New York, NY 10001 : Opium Poppy Cultivation and Heroin Processing in Southeast Asia : "Opium. Uncovering the Politics of the Poppy" : D.Ackerman, “A history of Drug testing,” in R.H. Coombs and L.J. West, eds., Drug Testing: Issues and Options (New York, Oxford University Press, 1991), pp 3-21. : http://www.sosdallas.com/resources.htm : And, Super thanks to my new acquaintances at Bakerman's ABC's of Interpretive Laboratory Data! : http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2583379/?tool=pubmed... (and, p.s. Dr. Murray is a hottie ;) ... http://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2010/05/18/Woman-says-she-was-fired-for-cancer/UPI-92141274231214/ And, a warm thanks to my friend at the Chicago Sun Times, MONIFA THOMAS (Staff Reporter). All due respect to Michael from SAI-Invent . http://www.whisperingintheshadows.com/articles-on-philosophyreligion.html : http://witscontentbase.weebly.com/shedrat.html *Shedrat Innovations* : Brought to you in part by - VXI, GLOBAL SOLUTIONS. |
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